Don’t you just love GPS

Before I give you some insight into my culturally diverse relationships, let me tell you about me & gay social apps.

Actually, as a person who is not out and tends to live in very religious locations, I met most of my bfs on the gay GPS hunting apps (the fact that I met some of them on gay WEBSITES make me feel like a fossil).

It all started with my friends assuming I’m a horny global hoe. I remember when I went to Pakistan and after coming back my mates were like “omg did you see anyone on grindr?!” The truth of a matter is, for some reason, I didn’t actually think about checking grindr. Maybe I was less of a global hoe back then, or maybe I was just too occupied with daily rituals of putting tons of mosquito repellent and sun cream. Imagine Sex and the City but instead of Abu Dabi you got Lahore, Islamabad and mountainous villages on the road to Afghanistan. I loved it though!

So, Pakistan was probably both the first and last country where I didn’t go online. Who knows, maybe I’d now be happily married, cooking curries and riding my donkey to the local bazar. Or kidnapped by the Taliban, featured in some horrible YouTube video. Actually, speaking of the Taliban, a few years later I managed to find an online U.S. army officer from a base in Afghanistan. He was super hot. Hmm… I might still have him on Whatsapp… Hm… Yes, because that sounds very promising, like all my interactions with men.

Anyway! My friends asking questions about Grindr in Pakistan made me go online the next time I was travelling in business, to a similarly distant country. That is how I met my ex-bf-to-be and started my longest relationship. Both in terms of duration and the distance.

However, most of my Grindr interactions at home go something like this:


Because why would I find any potential bf or a good date living closer than 1500 miles from me.

I have a theory that if I ever moved to New York, London, Berlin, Amsterdam or any other city from the Top 10 Gay Cities in the World, all sensible good looking gay men would just suddenly disappear. Vanish into thin air. Sort of like in Steven King’s Langoliers. Or the Left Behind with Nicolas Cage (horrible movie, by the way).


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